I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
