There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we made out on top of his cat.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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