youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
