omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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