Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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