Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
