This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
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