Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
