I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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