That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
