At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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