looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
