My friends, they love my intelligence
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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