dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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