I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
