so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
