Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
