Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
