the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
