You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
