God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
