and you said cock pushups were impossible
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Found the puke drawer
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
