Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
what day is it and did you see me today?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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