I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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