i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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