I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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