dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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