you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
