is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
