just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
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I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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