Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm like, not good at living.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
