The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
