I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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