I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Randomize
