My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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