3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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