Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
