Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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