can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
