do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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