if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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