Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
