need another drink. this is the easiest way
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
love makes seman taste better
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
