All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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