ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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