My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
