I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
