I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
His nipple licking is glorious
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