it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize