The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
