at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
