dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
