Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
