Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
