Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
