Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
