dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
