haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
