the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
50% drunk capacity currently
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize