oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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