Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
