Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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