you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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