I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
