Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize
