At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
