oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
