First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
