Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.

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  (313): remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck. http://tfl.nu/0g1v
  Replies (3) Good night (1231) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.

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  (571): the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans. http://tfl.nu/yvak
  Replies (48) Good night (6717) Bad night (1154)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"

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  (708): Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex" http://tfl.nu/sy7y
  Replies (42) Good night (1534) Bad night (14712)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium

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  (717): dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium http://tfl.nu/wa3w
  Replies (20) Good night (5393) Bad night (1283)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.

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  (818): Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on. http://tfl.nu/cwci
  Replies (12) Good night (1081) Bad night (3522)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  Both?

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  (218): Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants? (1-218): Both? http://tfl.nu/yr9r
  Replies (21) Good night (9516) Bad night (1289)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.

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  (407): I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom. http://tfl.nu/s7cn
  Replies (29) Good night (3800) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.

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  (734): The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake. http://tfl.nu/3nh1
  Replies (2) Good night (1224) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.

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  (507): We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do. http://tfl.nu/66ti
  Replies (4) Good night (1380) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today

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  (906): Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today http://tfl.nu/n5yz
  Replies (7) Good night (549) Bad night (985)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!

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  (406): That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face! http://tfl.nu/7j4j
  Replies (2) Good night (361) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil

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  (716): i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil http://tfl.nu/yi7i
  Replies (1) Good night (336) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.

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  (919): I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot. http://tfl.nu/jowl
  Replies (2) Good night (976) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.

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  (+44): If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle. http://tfl.nu/pajb
  Replies (0) Good night (367) Bad night (231)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.

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  (605): Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career. http://tfl.nu/ab52
  Replies (2) Good night (762) Bad night (226)

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