Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...

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(704): Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom... http://tfl.nu/jmqs

Replies (8) Good night (792) Bad night (1398)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before

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(828): what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before http://tfl.nu/qvbs

Replies (7) Good night (721) Bad night (3142)
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(616): View more from Michigan

I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...

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(616): I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one... http://tfl.nu/uf1v

Replies (16) Good night (745) Bad night (5249)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.

(1-480): View more from Arizona

Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?

(480): View more from Arizona

You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.

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(480): Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room. (1-480): Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess? (480): You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about. http://tfl.nu/fd7a

Replies (38) Good night (7479) Bad night (793)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"

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(856): i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty" http://tfl.nu/8yrq

Replies (45) Good night (4446) Bad night (1370)
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(917): View more from New York City

It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.

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(917): It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met. http://tfl.nu/1axf

Replies (21) Good night (4652) Bad night (1248)
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(214): View more from Texas

Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before

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(214): Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before http://tfl.nu/lurw

Replies (17) Good night (1955) Bad night (4459)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.

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(215): so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15. http://tfl.nu/ngxx

Replies (16) Good night (759) Bad night (2271)
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(415): View more from California

All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk

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(415): All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk http://tfl.nu/vf88

Replies (2) Good night (1933) Bad night (1244)
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(302): View more from Delaware

She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"

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(302): She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!" http://tfl.nu/kmdw

Replies (6) Good night (2554) Bad night (869)
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(816): View more from Missouri

I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.

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(816): I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose. http://tfl.nu/acx3

Replies (0) Good night (1053) Bad night (498)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.

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(843): He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals. http://tfl.nu/0dw2

Replies (8) Good night (1580) Bad night (818)
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(917): View more from New York City

She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.

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(917): She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl. http://tfl.nu/btqg

Replies (1) Good night (1385) Bad night (832)
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(334): View more from Alabama

I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.

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(334): I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system. http://tfl.nu/d0ap

Replies (1) Good night (662) Bad night (350)
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(719): View more from Colorado

I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.

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(719): I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared. http://tfl.nu/v8f7

Replies (8) Good night (1643) Bad night (527)

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