The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
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My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?