im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs