i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.