how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
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I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
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It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
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