No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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