That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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