I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I cut my penus on the lid.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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