I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
