I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
