Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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