how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
