I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
