Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
