my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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