I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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